Embracing Your Worth: Overcoming the Feeling of Never Being Enough
No matter what you do it doesn’t feel enough. You’re a hard worker. You’ve hustled in your 20s, got the degrees, and have excelled academically and in your career. On the outside you have everything and your life looks good on paper. But that doesn’t match what is going on inside. Internally, you find yourself trapped in a cycle of self-doubt and you can’t shake the feeling of not being enough. You’re hard on yourself when you make mistakes and you struggle with imposter syndrome and anxiety and no matter what you do, it doesn’t feel enough. Sound familiar?
It’s a common struggle that many of us face at some point in our lives. Whether in our personal relationships, careers, or even our own perception of ourselves, the belief that we are somehow lacking can be incredibly pervasive and damaging. We feel that we may finally feel differently once we have a career, relationship, or promotion. After all, you have accomplished so much. And yet that voice that fuels the self-doubt and imposter syndrome is just around the corner whispering that you are not enough. You have this nagging feeling that you’re somehow falling short. Maybe it's in your relationships, where you fear you're not giving enough, not worthy of the love and affection bestowed upon you. Or perhaps it's in your career, where every success feels like a fluke.
It's ironic, isn't it? On one hand, you have everything—a stable job, loving relationships, a roof over your head. Yet, on the other hand, you feel empty, as though something vital is missing. We've been conditioned to believe that success equals fulfillment, that if we just work hard enough, and achieve enough, we'll finally feel whole. But the truth is, the void persists, regardless of how many boxes we tick or the goals we achieve.
You hide your feelings of incompetency and fear that if others knew what you struggled with, they would perceive you as weak. You judge yourself for even feeling this way. No one would suspect that beneath the achievements and hustle is a lot of doubt and insecurities. Those around you would be surprised to know that you struggle with self-doubt and anxiety. And yet, the feeling of “not being enough” and “not doing enough” is pervasive.
Why Do I Feel Not Good Enough?
One answer…. Your mom. Just kidding. There’s many reasons why someone may not feel good enough. For many of us, these feelings can be deeply rooted in our past experiences and the messages we've internalized over the years. Perhaps you were constantly compared to others growing up, or maybe you experienced rejection or criticism that left you feeling unworthy. You might have experienced racism, homophobia, or felt beaten down by capitalism and the patriarchy. Whatever the case may be, it's important to understand that these negative beliefs about ourselves are not based in reality.
The good news is that it is a part of you that feels this way. It is not all of you. And once we begin to get curious about this part and its intention for us, then we can really make change. You might want to take some time to reflect and journal.
· When does this voice come up? Is it during times of stress?
· Are there times where this voice is more quiet?
· Can you remember the first time you felt this way? How old were you?
· Is there a certain voice you can identify that is telling you this or does it sound like your voice?
Often times this is a voice that we have internalized but it can sound like our own. This part of us is not bad. It’s likely trying to meet a need but may be going about it in not the most helpful way. What is this part afraid would happen if it didn’t carry this belief? Once we get curious about this part of ourselves, we can understand it more and the role it has served in our lives. Maybe it has pushed us to excel but it hasn’t worked out in the way it hoped. Maybe it wants you to succeed and fears failing. Often these voices belong to younger parts of ourselves that have internalized false beliefs about ourselves.
Embracing Your Worth
It starts with acknowledging that there is more to you than your achievements, your roles, and what you give to others. You are not defined by the degrees on your wall or the titles on your business card. Your worth is not contingent upon external validation or recognition. Although it may feel nice. It's about embracing our flaws and imperfections, and understanding that they are what make us beautifully human. We are not meant to be flawless beings, immune to failure or vulnerability. It's through our struggles that we grow, that we learn to cultivate compassion and empathy, both for ourselves and for others.
And above all, it's about practicing self-love and self-compassion, even—and especially—in the face of adversity. It's about extending the same kindness and understanding to ourselves that we so readily offer to others. It's about recognizing that we are deserving of love and acceptance, not in spite of our perceived flaws, but because of them.
You are enough, just as you are. Your worth is inherent. You don’t have to work for it. You don’t have to do anything for it. It already is. Let that sink in. You are worthy. Right now. And you always have been.
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