A Therapist’s Experience with Burnout
Wait? You mean you are a therapist who specializes in anxiety, imposter syndrome, and burnout and you don’t have it all figured out? Yup. While I love being a therapist, I am a human first and am not immune to the same struggles that my clients experience. I have had my share of experiences doubting myself, feeling anxious, and burnout. However, with therapy and a pretty awesome support system, my life is no longer ruled by burnout.
Signs I was Experiencing Burnout
My first experience with burnout was in my PhD program. I went straight into my PhD program right after completing my undergraduate and master’s degrees. So technically, I completed 11 years of education after high school, and I. FELT. IT. In my doctoral program, I took 12 credit hours a semester, worked 20 hours a week (with poor boundaries so I regularly worked more but was only paid for 20), saw clients 20 hours a week (unpaid), and then studied and tried to have a semblance of a social life. That first semester of my PhD program I pulled so many all-nighters completing papers that were due the following day that I lived in the library. While it was a weird bonding experience with my cohort, it took its toll on me pretty quickly.
My first signs of burnout were:
- I started to feel disconnected from myself and my work
- I experienced low motivation
- I felt overwhelmed about everything I needed to do and simultaneously worried it wasn’t good enough
- I frequented the health clinic, often coming down with whatever virus was going around
- Felt emotionally and physically exhausted even after “resting” on the weekend
I didn’t know that what I was experiencing was burnout. I just thought it was part of the experience of graduate school. I tried to “self-care” my way out of burnout and told myself that I just needed to “relax.” Surprise! Relaxing and self-care do not fix burnout. As I got further into my program, I realized that what I was experiencing was not healthy nor good for me and my cohort members.
Burnout in Graduate School
Graduate school breeds burnout. That might ruffle a few feathers with fellow academics but I feel that there is more awareness now surrounding the traumatic experiences of graduate students. Graduate students are often overworked, underpaid (if paid at all), hazed by older cohort members or faculty, and expected to meet unrealistic expectations. You’re expected to do it all, do it on time, and do it well. And if you don’t, you’re placed on a remediation plan. I was fortunate enough that my graduate program was not inherently competitive. I never felt like I was competing against my cohort members or other members of my program but there are some graduate school programs, think law school, that are highly competitive. So, on top of unrealistic expectations, your cohort of peers who should be a source of support becomes your competition. Lack of financial security, poor work-life “balance,” and unrealistic expectations all create an environment that is rich for burnout.
A clear example of burnout was when I was completing my comprehensive exams for my program. I had started studying months earlier and was pulling all-nighters, had no self-care, poor sleep, and survived on caffeine and Taco Bell. When it came time to complete my comprehensive exams, I had a 102-degree fever and a viral upper respiratory infection. And yet, I still had to show up for one week to complete my exams. Surprisingly I passed but the message was that I was expected to still show up despite being very sick or I risked delaying my graduation date.
I remember thinking that once I graduated from my program, had my PhD, and had a full-time job, I would finally have more time to take care of myself and feel better. I was wrong.
Burnout as a Young Professional
I naively believed that I would be immune to burnout (pun intended) once I graduated and left my graduate program. WRONG! While I had left a system that reinforced and contributed to burnout, I took with me harmful messages that I had internalized about work, productivity, and being a therapist. Some of the messages included putting others first before myself, showing up even if you are sick, and taking mental health days is bad. Some of these messages were specifically spoken to me in my first job post-graduation. I remember a co-worker telling me “Don’t tell anyone if you take a mental health day.” I remember thinking “But we’re all therapists and encourage our clients to take care of themselves.” This message reinforced to me that my clients and work came first at the expense of my health.
Additionally, as a young professional and early career psychologist, I felt I had to prove that I deserved my degree. That I was a good psychologist. I registered for every training and bought ALL THE THERAPY BOOKS. So, while I was out of graduate school, I still felt like I needed to prove that I was “good enough.” When it came time to take PTO, folks with seniority got approved first and I had to wait for my time off to be approved. Given that graduate school and my early career experiences were similar, I figured all work experiences were like this. And then came the desert.
Practicing What We Preach
I took a position in West Texas, in the middle of the pandemic, without visiting the town. Crazy? Yes. But I was desperate. During my interview, my then-director highlighted that he encouraged his staff to take care of themselves. I didn’t necessarily believe him as I had heard this before but experienced the opposite. Now let me tell you about West Texas. It was a breath of dusty, dry air and it felt nice. My director regularly sent emails out to staff reminding them to take care of themselves and that burnout was not a badge of honor. We were encouraged to take mental health days and did not have to ask for approval for time off. WHAT IS THIS PLACE?! Slowly my nervous system began to relax as I got used to working differently. I noticed I had more capacity, could show up fully attuned to my clients, and do some really good work. I took training because I was interested in them and not because I had to prove my degree. And I was regularly told that my director had confidence in my abilities. I know most workplaces are not like this but there are some.
Last Thoughts
Burnout in workplaces is so common and I know this because I hear it all the time from my clients. My experience with burnout is not unique and yet you do not have to be stuck in a place of burnout. Because I know how to cope with burnout and live a life that is in alignment with my values, I rarely feel burnt out. Stressed and overwhelmed at times, sure. But I know how to cope with it effectively instead of running myself into the ground. I want that for you.
Online Therapy for Burnout
Ready to leave anxiety, imposter syndrome, and burnout behind without adding more to your already busy schedule? Let’s get to work!
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Hi! I’m Dr. Molly Moore, a licensed psychologist in Austin, Texas. I am here to help you leave behind the self-doubt and constant overwhelm that keeps you stuck. I want you to have a rich and fulfilling life without sacrificing what matters most to you. I offer effective online therapy anywhere in Texas for clients experiencing self-doubt, anxiety, and burnout. If you’re ready to make changes and do the hard work- reach out today to get started!