Self-Compassion: Hugging Yourself Without Looking Weird
Self-compassion: The antidote to negative self-talk
While some people may have heard of self-compassion, it can be hard to define and certainly harder to do. Simply put, self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness you treat others. Sounds easy, right? But for most of my clients, engaging in self-compassion is hard. Most of my clients tend to be kind, caring, and supportive. They are usually the ones that people go to for support as they are compassionate, empathetic, and attuned. But when it comes to their relationship with themselves, they tend to be their own worst critic. They are hard on themselves when they make mistakes and they would never talk to others the way they talk to themselves. They believe that others are more worthy of kindness. Sound familiar?
Self-compassion is the antidote to feelings of worthlessness, negative self-talk, and low self-esteem. Read on to learn more about what self-compassion is, what it is not, and how you can start being more kind to yourself.
What is Self-Compassion?
As mentioned above, self-compassion is treating yourself with the same kindness you treat others. Self-compassion has become popular in the past couple of decades thanks to groundbreaking research by Kristen Neff. There are three components to self-compassion: mindfulness, self-kindness, and humanity.
Mindfulness
Most people have heard about mindfulness; however, it’s usually not what people think it is. Some folks may think that mindfulness is sitting and meditating and not thinking about anything. I don’t know about you but that sounds just about impossible. After all, we are human and we have little control over our thoughts. Instead, mindfulness is the act of being in the present moment without judgment. It’s about observing your breath, your surroundings, and any sensations and thoughts you may be experiencing and not judging them. By simply observing our experience and bringing attention to the present moment, we are able to acknowledge what we are experiencing without being swept up in it.
Self-Kindness
This may be the easiest component of self-compassion to define. Self-kindness is simply extending kindness to yourself. The same kindness that you give others. While it is simply defined, it’s rarely easy to put into practice especially if you are high achieving and struggle with perfectionism. With self-kindness, we try to treat ourselves the same way a loved one, positive coach, or best friend would.
Common Humanity
Often times we think we are the only ones who experience our struggles. While there may be nuances to your experience, suffering is a part of being human. And knowing that we are not alone in our suffering can be helpful.
What Self-Compassion is Not
There are plenty of myths about self-compassion. Some of my clients have worried that if they engage in self-compassion they won’t be as motived or successful. They worry that they are being too lenient and are lazy by being kind to themselves. In reality, self-compassion is a better motivator than being hard on yourself. Additionally, self-compassion can help you face your struggles and know that you are not alone.
What Can Self-Compassion Help With?
Self-compassion has many benefits. People who engage in self-compassion may be better able to cope with challenges, be compassionate towards others, have a healthy work-life balance, set healthy boundaries, and demonstrate higher emotional intelligence. Additionally, individuals who engage in self-compassion may be more productive and motivated to accomplish their goals.
How do I Practice Self-Compassion?
There are so many different ways you can engage in self-compassion. I encourage you to look over the list and find a few that you might like to try. Not every practice is going to be for everyone so figure out what works best for you.
- Treat yourself how you would treat a friend
- Identify your values
- Gain awareness into when you engage in negative self-talk and engage in more positive and compassionate self-talk
- Engage in supportive touch such as hugging yourself or putting your hand on your chest while you take several deep breaths
- Journal about challenges you are facing
- Listen to guided self-compassion meditations
Online Therapy for Self-Compassion
Therapy is a great place to learn more about self-compassion and practice it. Prioritizing yourself and taking the step to focus on yourself through online therapy is in itself a radical act of self-compassion. It takes awareness and compassion to acknowledge that you might benefit from more support and so much bravery and courage to start therapy. So let’s get rid of the negative self-talk so you can find healthier ways of being motivated.
Ready to make a change?
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I’m Dr. Molly Moore, a licensed psychologist in Texas, and I am here to help you leave behind the self-doubt and constant overwhelm that keeps you stuck. I want you to have a rich and fulfilling life without sacrificing what matters most to you. I offer effective online therapy anywhere in Texas for clients experiencing self-doubt, anxiety, and burnout. If you’re ready to make changes and do the hard work- reach out today to get started!