Holiday décor, Christmas trees with lights, snow, hot chocolate, fires, Starbucks holiday cups, presents, Mariah Carey on the radio, your favorite holiday movie, and peaceful, calm family bonding time.

A beautifully decorated Christmas tree with a shimmering gold oranment. This image represents the importance of setting boundaries with family during the holidays. Reach out to Dr. Molly Moore, a psychologist in Austin, TX for more support.

Wait. What??!

It's more like... holiday décor, Christmas trees with lights, snow, extended family members asking about your love life, fires, Starbucks holiday cups, presents, your favorite meal with a side helping of passive aggressiveness, and navigating boundaries with your in-laws. A time when everyone should be full of holiday cheer but instead it’s like your Andy Cohen sitting at a Housewives Reunion taping.

Sound more realistic?

Tis the Season for Triggers

The holidays can be difficult for many reasons. This blog covers ways to navigate them so you can ditch the family drama and experience more peace during the holiday season.

1. Set Boundaries with Family Members

The holidays are a time when you may spend more time with family members. The increase in time may come with intrusive questions from extended family members, comments on how you parent, passive aggressiveness, or straight-up conflict. If you choose to spend the holidays with family (and here’s permission that you don’t have to), it’s important to think through what boundaries you may need to put in place to protect yourself. It may be helpful to think about what topics you do not want to talk about with your family. This could be your dating life, your parenting style, finances, politics, etc. Whatever the topic is, it is helpful to know how to set boundaries and what types of boundaries you want to set.

Below are some ways you can set boundaries with family members during the holidays.

“I’m not comfortable talking about _____. Let’s talk about ____”

“There are so many other things more interesting than my dating life. What are your thoughts on the food?”

“That’s a personal question I’m not comfortable answering.”

“I think someone is calling my name, excuse me.”

“If you continue making passive-aggressive comments, I will leave.”

“I value our relationship and this is not something I’m comfortable talking about.”

While these statements may seem simple, setting boundaries with family members can be challenging for a variety of reasons. It’s important to practice setting these boundaries so you can feel a little bit more confident in setting them.

2. Seek Support

While it may seem like everyone has close family that they spend the holidays with, I promise you are not the only one who may dread the holidays. I hear it every day with my clients. Knowing that you are not the only one can help you feel less alone in your situation. Sharing your concerns, fears, and feelings with a trusted friend can help you feel more resourced going into the holidays.

3. Create Your Own Traditions

If family gatherings feel more like a battlefield than a Hallmark movie, it’s okay to redefine what the holidays mean to you. Instead of forcing yourself into traditions that no longer align with your values or bring you joy, create new ones that reflect the kind of holiday you want to have.

A mother, father, and young daughter putting ornaments on a Christmas tree. This image represents the importance of coping with the holidays. Dr. Molly Moore is a psychologist in Austin, TX who provides therapy for high-achieving women.

Whether it’s hosting a Friendsgiving, having a cozy movie night with your partner, volunteering at a local shelter, or treating yourself to a solo holiday adventure, the holidays can be an opportunity to embrace what feels meaningful to you. Don’t underestimate the joy of making memories on your own terms.

Pro tip: If creating new traditions feels daunting, start small. Something as simple as a yearly holiday playlist, a signature dish, or a fun activity like decorating cookies can spark a sense of magic.

4. When Visiting Family, Have an Exit Plan

We’ve all been there—stuck in a tense family gathering with no clear way out. To prevent this, plan your escape before you even show up. Having an exit plan can help you feel more in control and reduce anxiety about navigating challenging interactions.

Here are some ideas:

Drive yourself: If possible, avoid relying on others for transportation. Having your own way out allows you to leave on your terms.
Set a time limit: Let your host know in advance that you’ll need to leave by a specific time. “We’re so excited to see everyone, but we’ll have to head out by 8 PM.”
Blame your dog, kids, or schedule: Sometimes a little white lie can go a long way. “We need to get home to let the dog out” or “The kids have an early morning tomorrow” are perfectly acceptable reasons to make an exit.
Ask for backup: If attending with a partner or friend, agree on a signal that it’s time to go. A quick glance or a specific word can save you both.

Remember, taking care of your mental health is more important than enduring an endless night of discomfort.

5. Remember Your Values

Amid the chaos of holiday expectations and family drama, take a moment to reconnect with what’s most important to you. Are you prioritizing peace, kindness, joy, or connection? When tensions rise, reminding yourself of your core values can help guide your actions and responses.

For example, if kindness is your value, you might choose to respond to a snarky comment with grace instead of matching the tone. If peace is your goal, stepping away from an argument instead of engaging might align better with your intentions.

By staying grounded in your values, you’re not only protecting your own mental well-being but also modeling the behavior you’d like to see from others.

A man kisses a woman on the temple while she is laughing and smiling. This image represents remembering your values as you navigate setting boundaries with family during the holidays.

Final Thoughts

The holidays are a season filled with opportunities for joy, reflection, and connection—but they don’t come without their challenges. By setting boundaries, seeking support, creating new traditions, having an exit plan, and staying true to your values, you can navigate the season with more peace and authenticity.

Remember, it’s okay to protect your energy, choose your own happiness, and let go of traditions or obligations that no longer serve you. This holiday season, give yourself the gift of grace—you deserve it.

Now, pass the eggnog and turn up Mariah Carey, because this year, it’s all about you. Fa la la la la!

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Ready to leave anxiety, imposter syndrome, and burnout behind without adding more to your already busy schedule? Need help setting boundaries with toxic family members? Let’s get to work!

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Hi! I’m Dr. Molly Moore, a licensed psychologist in Austin, Texas. I am here to help you leave behind the self-doubt and constant overwhelm that keeps you stuck. I want you to have a rich and fulfilling life without sacrificing what matters most to you. I offer effective online therapy anywhere in Texas for clients experiencing imposter syndrome, anxiety, and burnout. If you’re ready to make changes and do the hard work- reach out today to get started!

Tis the Season for Triggers: Boundaries, Family, and the Holidays